President Trump has famously called climate change a hoax, and the clean energy revolution a green new scam.

All that changed abruptly last Friday, February 14, when Mr. Trump came across an item in the science section, his favorite section, of The Washington Post, his favorite publication. In an article entitled “Scientists have a new explanation for the last two years of record heat,” the following paragraph caught his eye:

“Earth’s overall energy imbalance — the amount of heat the planet is taking in minus the amount of heat it is releasing — also continues to rise, worrying scientists. The energy imbalance drives global warming. If it rises, scientists expect global temperatures to follow.”

This observation appeared to have flipped a switch in Mr. Trump’s brain. A trade imbalance! The sun was exporting more heat to the United States than the United States was exporting back!

In a hastily arranged news conference at the Oval Office, President Trump blasted the sun for its unfair trade practices. “It has been treating us very badly,” he said. “It makes huge amounts of heat for practically nothing and dumps it on the world. Under my administration, this is going to stop, now.”

In retaliation, Mr. Trump announced tariffs on the sun in the form of EV tax credits, subsidized clean energy manufacturing, and fuel efficiency mandates.

“We will take the sun’s cheap, cheap, cheap energy, and turn it into the engine for the entire US economy,” he promised. Later, on Truth Social, he posted, “WE WILL GET CHEAP CHEAP ENERGY FOR EVERY AMERICAN. WE WILL HAVE THE CLEANEST AIR AND WATER, EVER, IN ALL HISTORY. PEOPLE WON’T BELIEVE HOW CLEAN IT IS!”

Although initially shocked and skeptical of Mr. Trump’s about-face, the climate movement rallied and stood up in cheers. The fossil fuel industry curled into a fetal position and emitted plaintive squeaking sounds.

And the sun kept shining.

Editorial note: After writing this piece, we realized that, once again, we were getting our news from Parallel Universe GB417988L-G, in which human beings, perhaps owing to a genetic mutation, base their decisions on science and put people over profits. We apologize for our error.

We hope Mr. Trump will reconsider his opposition to clean energy, as it will deliver the very outcomes he has promised the American people—that is, cheap energy prices and the cleanest air ever.

But until that happy day comes, we will continue to advocate for science-based policies and behaviors that can mitigate the impacts of climate change.